{"id":610,"date":"2024-06-17T17:05:13","date_gmt":"2024-06-17T17:05:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/?p=610"},"modified":"2025-04-28T08:09:31","modified_gmt":"2025-04-28T08:09:31","slug":"waarom-is-het-zo-moeilijk-te-praten-over-seks-en-intimiteit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/blog\/waarom-is-het-zo-moeilijk-te-praten-over-seks-en-intimiteit\/","title":{"rendered":"Why is it so difficult to talk about sex and intimacy?"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"vce-row-container\" data-vce-boxed-width=\"true\"><div class=\"vce-row vce-row--col-gap-30 vce-row-equal-height vce-row-content--top\" id=\"el-c6b08a6d\" data-vce-do-apply=\"all el-c6b08a6d\"><div class=\"vce-row-content\" data-vce-element-content=\"true\"><div class=\"vce-col vce-col--md-auto vce-col--xs-1 vce-col--xs-last vce-col--xs-first vce-col--sm-last vce-col--sm-first vce-col--md-last vce-col--lg-last vce-col--xl-last vce-col--md-first vce-col--lg-first vce-col--xl-first\" id=\"el-5f8f3f8a\"><div class=\"vce-col-inner\" data-vce-do-apply=\"border margin background  el-5f8f3f8a\"><div class=\"vce-col-content\" data-vce-element-content=\"true\" data-vce-do-apply=\"padding el-5f8f3f8a\"><div class=\"vce-text-block\"><div class=\"vce-text-block-wrapper vce\" id=\"el-5b2834d1\" data-vce-do-apply=\"all el-5b2834d1\"><p>Do you recognize this scenario? You are at home with your partner, sitting across from each other. There is a silence, and you think about something you\u2019ve wanted to discuss for a while: your sex life. But as soon as you consider bringing up the topic, you feel a knot in your stomach, afraid of the reaction that might come. You decide to keep it to yourself and wait for a better moment, hoping things might improve on their own soon. Could it happen?<\/p><p>Why is it so difficult to talk about sex and intimacy?<\/p><h2><b>Assumptions and taboos<\/b><\/h2><p>Many people struggle with discussing sex and intimacy due to the strong taboo surrounding the topic. Sex is something we do, but talking about it? That seems like a whole different story. From a young age, we are not taught how to communicate about it, making it an uncomfortable and sometimes even frightening subject to discuss.<\/p><p>Another problem is the many assumptions we seem to make when it comes to sex and intimacy. We think we must automatically know how sex works and what our partner wants. But let\u2019s be honest, no one can read minds. Our culture and society contribute to this image. In the media, sex is often depicted unrealistically. Films and pornography rarely show how people communicate their needs and desires. It always seems perfect, without a single word exchanged. This creates a distorted image and reinforces the idea that talking about sex is unnecessary or even inappropriate.<\/p><blockquote><p>When couples don\u2019t openly talk about sex and intimacy, they can slowly lose connection with each other<\/p><\/blockquote><h2><b>Common misconceptions<\/b><\/h2><p>There are several misconceptions that people often have when it comes to talking about sex and intimacy:<\/p><ul><li>\u201cIf I talk about what I want, I\u2019m weird or selfish.\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cI should know how to do it myself; otherwise, I\u2019m failing.\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cI should know what the other wants without asking.\u201d<\/li><li>\u201cIf my partner loves me, they will automatically do what I want.\u201d<\/li><\/ul><p>These thoughts create a vicious cycle of miscommunication and misunderstanding. But it is important to realize that these misconceptions actually hinder communication and cause more problems in the short and long term.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><h2><b>The consequences of not talking<\/b><\/h2><p>When couples don\u2019t openly talk about sex and intimacy, they can slowly lose connection with each other. Problems go unresolved and only grow. The assumption that the other person knows what you want and when you want it is often replaced by a new assumption: \u201cThe other person never wants sex, so I won\u2019t even bring it up.\u201d This is followed by the disappointment of rejection that the other person hasn\u2019t even made.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><p>As I outlined in my article about <a title=\"The Spiral of Rejection, Disappointment, and Guilt\" href=\"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/blog\/de-spiraal-van-afwijzing-teleurstelling-en-schuldgevoel\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">the spiral of rejection, disappointment, and guilt<\/a>not communicating about sexual needs can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and growing problems within the relationship. Additionally, it becomes difficult to discover new things and enjoy a fulfilling sex life.<\/p><blockquote><p>\"When you want to talk to your partner about your sex life, don\u2019t do it \u201cin the bedroom\".\"<\/p><\/blockquote><h2><b>How to break through?<\/b><\/h2><p>So how do you talk about sex and intimacy? Unfortunately, it\u2019s easier said than done and requires a lot of practice and patience. The previously discussed assumptions and taboos are often deeply rooted, as are the shame and fear of being abnormal. The best way is to start with your partner or a close friend. Over time, it becomes easier and easier. And here\u2019s a tip to conclude: when you want to talk to your partner about your sex life, don\u2019t do it \u201cin the bedroom.\u201d Choose a moment when you are not intimate, such as a date night, coffee moment, or another relaxed situation where you are both connected and not engaged in direct intimacy.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><p>Do you need help communicating about sex and intimacy, or do you have other concerns? <a title=\"Contact\" href=\"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/contact\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">reach out<\/a> Contact me <a title=\"Request an intake\" href=\"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/intake-aanvragen\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">free intake<\/a>and we will discuss how I can help you.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Herken je dat? Je bent thuis met je partner en jullie zitten tegenover elkaar. Er is een stilte, en je denkt aan iets dat je al een tijdje wilt bespreken: jullie seksleven. Maar zodra je eraan denkt om het onderwerp aan te snijden, voel je een knoop in je maag. Bang voor de reactie die [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":614,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-610","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-communicatie"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/610","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=610"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/610\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":612,"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/610\/revisions\/612"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/614"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=610"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=610"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/seksulogisch.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=610"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}