In a world soaked with contradictions and unspoken rules, sexuality forms one of the most complex aspects of human existence. Despite being a universal experience—after all, everyone has sex or comes into contact with it in some way, positively or negatively—it remains taboo to talk about it or seek help for it. This silence creates misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations, and stereotypes that do more harm than good. But why is sex so complicated? And more importantly, how can we unravel this complexity and have a healthier, more open conversation about sexuality?
The Myths Unmasked
Sexuality is surrounded by myths and assumptions. For "men" (or rather, those labeled by society as being men), the chase is considered proof of manhood, while "women" are supposed to be desired without showing too much desire themselves. This double standard creates a suffocating atmosphere where individuals feel they must perform or meet unattainable ideals. Moreover, the lack of open communication leads many to turn to unrealistic sources, such as porn, for education and expectations. I have nothing against porn, but it's meant for entertainment, not as a learning tool. It's exaggerated and staged, a fine medium and possibly a source of inspiration, but definitely not a teaching tool for how we should have and discuss sex. And that's precisely the problem—good examples are almost nonexistent, and there's almost no discussion about it.
The Reality of Sexual Diversity
The reality is that sexual desires, preferences, and experiences vary enormously from person to person and situation to situation. Traditional gender frames fall short in encompassing this diversity and ignore the rich spectrum of human sexuality. It's time to let go of these outdated frames and embrace a more inclusive approach that allows space for all experiences and identities. There's no right way to have sex, other than healthily and safely. There's your way, which also changes from one life stage to another and even from day to day.
Sexual Help
One of the most crucial steps toward improving our sexual wellbeing is promoting an open and honest dialogue. This means creating safe spaces where people can share experiences, doubts, and questions without fear of judgment or shame. Through education and awareness, we can begin to break down stigmas and build a more understanding and accepting society.
An important aspect I encounter is that it's normal to get help with sex and the problems you experience with it. The idea that sex should come naturally and go well is so ingrained in our culture, while at the same time, it's one of the most important and complex parts of our lives. Of course, it's okay to get help with sex.
It's high time we recognize and address the complexity of sexuality. By debunking the myths, embracing the reality of sexual diversity, and striving for an open dialogue, we can work towards a world where sex is no longer a source of stress or shame, but one of joy, pleasure, and connection. This is exactly what I have in mind with Seksulogisch and the conversations I have with my clients.