When we talk about our sex lives— if we even talk about it at all,, but that’s beside the point—we tend to immediately think of sex with others. What we often forget is that, for many of us, most of our sexual experiences are with ourselves. Of course, that’s not the case for everyone; some people never masturbate, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s your own choice. But sometimes, it stems from shame or imposed norms around sex and masturbation, and that’s a pity.
But let’s get back to the importance of masturbation, because it’s definitely there. Think of it like running: partner sex may be the big race you’re training for, but masturbation is your daily workout. It’s not just preparation for that race, it’s often where you first discovered your love for running, and where you’ve learned the limits of what your body can do.
"Too often, we think that sex is only good when the other person knows exactly what we want at every moment."
Masturbation has many benefits for both your health and your sex life in general. Here are a few reasons why a better sex life starts with masturbation.
Get to Know Your Own Body
Too often, we think that sex is only good when the other person knows exactly what we want at every moment. This expectation of mind-reading often leads to disappointment. Communicating what you enjoy benefits both partners. It leads to a more fulfilling sex life and improves communication overall.
How can someone else know what you like if you don’t even know yourself? This is where masturbation plays a big role. It gives you the chance to explore your own body and experiment without the pressure or expectations from someone else. You don’t need to feel ashamed about what you’re doing or how you look. It’s about giving yourself the freedom to discover.
"And let’s not forget the idea that once you’re in a committed relationship, you shouldn’t need to masturbate anymore"
Overcome the Shame
Masturbation and shame often go hand in hand (pun intended), perhaps even more than partner sex. There are so many myths that feed into this shame. Think of things like: “If you do it too much, you’ll go blind,” or “You’ll grow hair on your palms.” Then there’s the belief that women rarely masturbate, while men do—but not too much, because then it’s a problem.
And let’s not forget the idea that once you’re in a committed relationship, you shouldn’t need to masturbate anymore, or that it’s even considered cheating. While, of course, you decide your own boundaries, many of these ideas come from outdated societal norms.
Masturbation is completely normal, and more importantly, it’s healthy. It helps you get to know your body better, provides relaxation, and can even help you sleep. Why shouldn’t masturbation be considered a form of self-care, just like exercise or meditation?
"Let masturbation become your new form of yoga—focused, compassionate, and mindful"
Try New Ways of Masturbating
Why change a winning team, right? Well, there are several reasons to try something new. Many people learned to masturbate from a place of shame, which taught them to get it over with as quickly as possible. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it can be rewarding to take your time and focus more on the experience.
By masturbating slowly and mindfully, you can learn to delay your orgasm, which can be helpful for concerns around premature ejaculation. Plus, trying new things can be fun—use toys, play with your senses, or explore different parts of your body.
Really take the time for yourself. Let masturbation become your new form of yoga—focused, compassionate, and mindful. Plan dates with yourself or with each other, and masturbate alone or together. This way, you strengthen the connection with your own body, and ultimately, with others as well.
Do you need help overcoming your shame, want to learn more about masturbation for a better sex life, or have other concerns? Feel free to reach out or book a free intake session, and I’ll see how I can help you.